I've been getting a ton of Youtube and posts on other social media
about that other game where there's a galaxy spanning empire. You know
the one.
Had this running through my head when I woke up this morning, typed it
out to get it out of my system.
Sharing for the laughs..
====================

The INS Dreadnaught Cougar hung in space, Captain Sir Wilkes standing
on the bridge looking at the large display, which was currently zoomed
in on the Maverick, an Audacious class dreadnought in orbit around a
small frontier world as the cutters went back and forth bringing up
food and supplies. A few dozen Type-R merchants hung about to provide
some logistic trail for the Maverick.

The mission was a quiet one -  neither of the Dreadnaughts really got
a chance to stretch their legs, doing only Jump-1 down the main toward
their new duty station. Cougar had a small CSP of fighters out, it was
the kind of smooth and relaxing boredom that most ship commanders
enjoyed. All was right with the Imperium, and the ship was running
smoothly.  They’d be pulling out in a few hours, and all the crew were
back from a few days of shore leave that had pumped up the local
economy. Captain The Honorable Stevenson aboard Maverick had shared
that the last cutters would be aboard in the next 45 minutes….

“Sir,” came a somewhat confused voice from Lt Juarez on sensors, “I’m
getting… something weird. 135 mark 17, about 1250 kkm out - call it
103 diameters. It’s… weird.”

Wilkes nodded to Juarez , and gestured to the ensign in charge of the
main display to put it on the big screen

Lt Juarez continued - “It’s like a Jump Flash, but it just keeps going
on… “ The ship’s synthetic aperture telescope had focused in by this
point, and a boiling circle was visible, that blue Chernekov radiation
hue with flashes of other kinds of energy discharge and what looked
(to the eye of once Astrogator Wilkes) like tendrils of Jumpspace
breaking into  normal space.

The field sat there for several moments. Wilkes wasn’t sure what it
was, but was smart and cautious - “Sound ‘CME Storm stations’, warn
the Maverick  and see if they can expedite their cutters.”

Just then, the metal prow appeared in the maelstrom, something coming
out of that chaotic hell hole - and the ship just kept coming out.

When the first kilometer had intruded into normal space, and the
weapon turrets became more visible, Wilkes said, “Upgrade that alert.
Sound Battle Stations. Message to Maverick : ‘The Squadron Will
Prepare for Battle’. Communications , hail with first contact
protocols, hopefully we get lucky.”

Several seconds went by….

The thing coming from the hole in space was ten kilometers long. About
a kilometer in diameter, with turrets and what looked like gothic
churches attached to the hull, and a long flank of weapons bays. The
nose looked to be solid armor, and there was no evidence of a spinal
mount. It trudged out of Jumpspace and the rift behind it closed.

Juarez cleared his throat and mumbled something. Wilkes looked at him,
raising an eyebrow. “Sir, it just struck me - there was no jump
bubble, and no jump grid. Whoever they are, they just let Jumpspace
into the ship with them during their Jump, and it looks like the ship
was designed that way. “ They both shuddered, wondering what kind of
alien monstrosity would consider that a normal way to travel.

Lt Kudirka from communications chimed in with, “Captain, I’m… well…
captain, this is… This really does sound like some kind of Solomani
religious broadcast or …. They keep talking about the Holy Emperor of
Mankind and cleansing divine… Sir, they noticed our first contact
transmission and are demanding our identification. I’ve given them our
standard header, that we’re an Imperial ship. They’re upset we’re not
a class in their registry and are wanting to know if we’re heretics
and are demanding our surrender. “

Wilkes raised both eyebrows. In the three years Kudirka had handled
comms for him, he’d never seen her fumbling for words like this.
Whoever was on that monster ship must really be odd.  “Lieutenant, do
we have anyone with a historical background, and knowledge of Solomani
myths? Maybe they can talk some sense to these people?” Kudirka
nodded, “‘l’ll patch in Ensign Klap, Sir”, and punched keys on her
console linking the young Bwap officer into the conversation.

Seconds after she did though, communications with the intruder cut
off.  Huge plasma engines at the back lit off, plumes of superheated
hydrogen a kilometer long forming behind it as it turned and began to
approach.

Juarez stated, “Neutrino emissions spiking! EM emissions spiking!
They’re coming to full power and looks like they’re  arming weapons.
Subcraft launch! I’m showing twenty, two zero, launches. CIC
classifies as battle riders, show at about fifteen hundred tons. “

Wilkes turned the Fighter Wing station, “Launch our ready space
superiority fighters. Prep second wave for anti-ship.”  Moments later,
75 fifty-ton fighters roared out of the launch tubes to join the 25
already on station in CSP. When all of the Cougar’s fighters were
launched, they’d match the weight in metal of the incoming… whatever
they were. “

Speaking of incoming though - “CIC, Captain - Verify that
acceleration? Are they really that slow?”  At one G accel, they’d be
almost 5000 seconds before they got here.  Battle riders that slow?
But the monster intruder wasn’t doing any better. Wilkes looked over
at Juarez as CIC came over the speaker confirming, and Juarez
shrugged. “Gravitics are showing readings consistent with internal
gravity, but I’m getting nothing that looks like an M-drive. Just
those weird HEPLAR things.”

Wilkes pondered his options - he could just back away at 1G, turn this
into a missile duel… but that would mean leaving the planet full of
civilians open to whoever these maniacs were. Maverick was starting to
move now, coming up out of low orbit to join Cougar’s high guard
position, their cutters moving to point defense positions around the
big dreadnaught.

Big. I always thought Dreadnaughts were big, but Mavrick’s only 350
meters long  That beast is 30 times our size thought WIlkes with a
snort of amusement. … a snort which died with Juarez’s shout of
“Missile launch! Multiple missiles… “

The tactical screen lit up with hundreds of missiles, all launched
from the monster, none from the battle riders. And, like the riders,
these missiles were slow. Less than 2G accel. It was like they wanted
a low velocity on them. There were lots of them, sure, but plenty of
time for point defense for the two Imperial ships to work them over.
Enemy EW was pretty much non-existent. The sensor emissions on the
missiles were really early radar - looked like TL9 or TL10 stuff.

“Mister Yaskoydr, all weapons free. Engage at will, “ Wilkes said very formally.

At the same moment, Maverick  locked 33 particle beam turrets and
fifty 50-ton missile bays onto each of the incoming battle riders…
which was apparently overkill. The enemy riders had no appreciable
point defense, and the thousand nuclear missiles per rider detonating
implied they had no nuclear dampers either.

A moment later, both of the Imperial Dreadnaughts spinal mounts flared
- and it became apparent the intruder’s tech base did not include
meson screens. It shuddered as the equivalent of a couple low yield
nukes went off inside the ship, but whatever it was was tough, armored
and apparently internally compartmentalized enough to shrug off a lot
of damage. It killed its acceleration toward them, then turned away -
not accelerating, but…

From over on tactical came, “You’re fucking kidding me “ in a soft
voice, and Wilkes responded with , “Something to share with us, Mister
Yskoydr?” The Lieutenant-Commander blushed furiously, and in a more
formal voice said, “Captain, I beg leave to report that the enemy is
turning to present his broadside.”

Wilkes looked at him for a long moment, then said, “You’re fucking kidding me.”

Yskoyder tried very hard not to grin, something others on the bridge
failed at. “Sir, my thought exactly, sir, “ came out with exaggerated
formality, followed by “If they want to present me a target that
large, I am glad to make use of it. Continue firing, Captain?”

Wilkes nodded, and made an “off with you, go about it” motion with one hand.

The range closed, and the number of missiles coming from the wallowing
titan continued No energy fire, though. The Imperial ships closed in,
keeping between the intruder and the planet, advancing slowly. The
range continued to drop, and finally that huge broadside began to
speak.

Juarez, in a confused voice, half-shouted, “Tac, can you confirm? I’m seeing…”

Yskoyder, equally confused, played with his console for a moment, then
said, “Captain, we’re being fired upon. Enemy artillery has engaged
us. Time to impact… 15 kiloseconds. “

Wilkes looked at the two of them, then said,”Seriously? Artillery? “

They both shrugged, and Juarez said, “Looks like …. Better part of a
ton mass per shell, and I’m getting some neutrino emissions that imply
fission warheads at the least. Looks like TL8 or 9 nuclear artillery.
‘

Wilkes shook his head in disbelief, “Helm, bring us 90 port, and four
Gs for 30 seconds, then back toward the enemy and 1G”

A minute later, Juarez confirmed, “Artillery shells are still on the
same vector. No homing ability. They’re expanding the pattern though,
figure they are trying to cover the likely dodges. “

“Helm evasion plan bravo. Put our repulsor bays into covering
Maverick, her lasers and fusion guns aren’t going to do well against
chunks that heavy and her accel is less than ours, she can’t dodge as
well.”

The enemy point defense was … not that effective. Apparently designed
to work against equally snail-like missiles, the lasers and … were
those autocannon? … didn’t track Imperial missiles coming in at six
times the accel and due to flight time over 216 times faster. There
was some kind of energy screen that Juarez couldn’t figure out - it
looked like a mutated Jump field - that would spin up and then
collapse under the Maverick’s and Cougar’s particle beam fire  The two
dreadnaughts were pumping out the missiles from a combined 930 missile
bays, over eighteen thousand missiles every kilosecond going down
range, all armed with 1 megaton pinch-fusion warheads.  It was hard to
get anything on the scope as waves of nuclear fire began to scour the
hull, one wave starting at the bow and working back, the other at the
stern and working forward.

The intruder would roll ship periodically, bringing undamaged weapons
to bear, but both Imperials stayed out of the effective range.  The
few lasers coming back met clouds of defensive sand from the warship’s
sandcaster turrets, and the sensor showed the energy levels on those
lasers weren’t that much higher than what  the Imperial Army used to
use on grav tanks before the advent of fusion cannon.

By the time the monster was battered into a hulk, the two Imperials
had taken minor damage - the helmsman on Maverick would be ribbed for
years about the dent on the ship’s hull where an artillery shell had
hit. The nuclear damper prevented the warhead from going off, but the
KE was stiff enough to put a crater in the armor.

Once it was unmoving and no longer firing, Maverick  came along side
and sent her Marine compliment over to board and try to SAR the
survivors… and that was when things got really weird

Apparently, the intruder was really big on ship’s troops - and they
were really big. Huge 9 foot tall humanoids in power armor with high
caliber accelerator rifles seemed to make up much of the crew. Nor did
the idea that they were stuck in a dying hulk of a ship seem to clue
them in that surrendering and saving their lives might be wise at this
point.

Maverick  lost 30 marines before falling back and giving up. The
accelerator rifle rounds were about 20mm and carried a HEAP warheard,
letting them punch holes in the marine battle dress that wouldn’t seal
before the air rushed out  On the ground, in atmo, things might have
been more survivable, but this just wasn’t a winning hand.

It wasn’t a winning hand for the enemy, either: the marine’s gauss
carbines for shipboard work didn’t reliably penetrate the enemy Marine
armor, but one Imperial in each fire team had a plasma rifle, and
those worked just dandy, burning nice clean holes all the way through
the … whoever they were.

 There was debate about rearming with FGMPs and just going compartment
by compartment, filling each one with nuclear fire before continuing,
but in the end there didn’t seem much point.

What footage they did have from the boarding party’s suit cams was …
depressing. Huge industrial metal with gothic motif, poorly lit in the
areas where lighting still worked and judging from the limited number
of light fixtures poorly lit even when the ship was intact. Crude TL9
fusion reactors. Crude gravitics. Huge installations to produce
limited effect, and a mentality that seemed to be just fine with
building it twenty times bigger rather than doing some research and
making something smaller.

One of the big gun mounts was mostly intact, its crew of roughly 40 on
the deck around it. There were chains on the breech where they would
manually pull the breechblock open, and it looked like a group of ten
humans or so would shoulder a shell and lever it into the chamber.
Like a giant TL5 cannon, with cranks for elevation and traverse, moved
by teams of men grabbing the handles and cranking away.

All in all, the thing was … medieval. Not in the “knight in shining
armor” way of fairy tales and princesses, but medieval in the “crowded
into a city where people shit in the street and we’re all going to die
of dysentery.”

After a week of investigating, they sent in another small SAR team,
and they got shot at too.

Another week went by, and a third team went in to look for survivors….
And were fired upon.

In the end, the Imperial dreadnaughts dropped interdiction beacons
around it, arranged for some guard ships just in case the rift
re-opened, and when the flotilla of heavy SDB’s arrived , the Cougar
and Maverick went on about their business.